shawkinson@edinamn.gov

Stephanie's Story

I grew up in Southwest Minneapolis, which as you know is an upper middle class, predominantly white neighborhood. My dad was a grocery store owner following in the footsteps of his father who opened the first commercial business in Linden Hills. I felt a deep sense of legacy growing up. I saw my parents as leaders – in the church, in the schools, in area businesses. I never internalized that as privilege, but clearly it was.

My dad used to hire Native Americans for odd jobs around the house and store “at the end of the month when the welfare check was spent” as he put it. As a kid, I just took this as a statement of fact. He was friends with Big Bear, so I did not see this as derogatory. Later, as an attorney he did a ton of pro-bono work for the Hmong community and later for the Somali Community. He sued the Minneapolis Police Department numerous times for racial discrimination to the point where we were fearful that there was a bounty on his head. One time the police ran over a little Black boy on his bike. The police then went and had the bike fixed - destroying evidence. I grew up with stories of discrimination. The problem with all this, despite his large and generous heart, was that I grew up with the perception that People of Color needed my assistance. I needed to help them. Like I was a benefactor that they required charity.

My mom was a drug Counselor. Growing up we often had “wayward” kids living in our house – runaways, recovering drug addicts, kids whose homelife was untenable. Although these kids were white, I was exposed to the fact that not everyone had my experience. Maybe it was good that they were white – to show me that not just POC need some assistance. Again, though, placing me in the position of benefactor.

We also had exchanges students from other Countries who informed me of their different world views. One time one of the student’s father visited. It was before the Bosnia war and he was high up in the Serbian Government. He talked in glowing terms about Eugenics and racial superiority. Although horrified my parents remained silent because to speak up would be “rude” as he was our guest. True non-confrontational Minnesotans.

I went to college in North Carolina, which was much more diverse then MN. During one summer school session my core groups of friends were people of color – Asian, Black, Brown. I learned a lot from them. I learned how Simone could not visit her white’s boyfriend’s mother at her home because Simone was Black. I learned how Country Clubs could be “White Only” where the members used derogatory nomenclature for the staff who were primarily African American. I saw in my dorm the Black maids cleaning up the vomit of rich white kids who drank too much the night before. I was floored and shaken. In the south and my mostly white University I was exposed to a value system that I thought was reprehensible, such as a high school student stating “Of course there are poor people. How else would my father get rich.” I rebelled against the status quo and began volunteering in the community and then left for China for 9 months to immerse myself in someplace that was not predominantly white and privileged. Returning to the US threw me into a tailspin which required months before I could settle in.

In Grad School I took off again, this time for Singapore. That Country is rich with a diversity of people. At one point I had the option to pursue a career there, but I realized that overseas I would forever be an outsider. I felt I could have more influence stateside where my privilege could be put to work to help make life better for others (again, not shedding my responsibility as a benefactor. I still had lots to learn).

I know my upbringing and my opportunities have contributed to implicit biases. Is still struggle with not placing people with different backgrounds and different skin color as “other.” I’ve been friends with Gloria, a biracial woman, for 20 years. It was during a call this spring when she broke down in tears and said she finally felt “seen.” It took TWENTY YEARS. As a white person in a predominantly white community I’m just on the cusp of understanding the experiences of People of Color.

Being a part of the Race Equity Advancement Team at work helps guide me on my journey. I am coming to terms that staying silent does not equate with having manners, but rather can make me complicit in the explicit biases I witness. This needs to change and I need to speak up. I am sure I will stumble and make mistakes, but I am committed to becoming an ally.